Posted on December 24, 2014 by vlayman
Narcissistic Vocalist Wanted (Central, CT)
Narcissistic vocalist wanted for a rock band out of central Connecticut. You must have a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, blatant need for admiration, and a total lack of empathy. If you show up for practice on-time, you’re fired. If you plan on helping move equipment in and out of the venue, you’re fired on the spot. You must be constantly sick, or be able to otherwise provide some sort of excuse as to why you’re not 100% at all times (which is… at all times). You must have a sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations for favorable treatment at venues and by all people graced with your presence (even though you’ve never left the basement in your music career). We would also sincerely appreciate if you were exploitative to everyone you encounter, including us (your band-mates). If you’re not taking advantage of people, you’re not for us. You must be completely arrogant and let people know how awesome you are at all times. And for the love of God, please call your fans “mother —–ers” and “—holes” on stage… they like that kind of stuff (don’t listen to the nay-sayers). You must have hundreds (if not thousands) of ideas of what we “need to do”, but do absolutely nothing to actually move those ideas forward. If someone writes a vocal melody/lyric that sounds good, you must change it so that it doesn’t conflict with your inability to accept input or the fact that you just might not have the absolute best idea for any given situation/musical piece. And lastly, you must be completely incoherent, a terrible speller, and have the grammar of a three year old (even though your main job is to write stories & lyrics to communicate with people).
If this is you, we’re looking for you!!!!!!!!!
Filed under: Humor |