1. when ya gotsa decide which pair of orthopaedic shoes to wear to the show.
2. when yer mailing list includes yer cardiologist.
3. when yer groupies need wheelchair access.
4. when yer contract rider requires prune juice and Wipies.
5. when you never take yer hat off within 5 miles of any venue you play.
6. when the Emergency Services phone number is stenciled on yer road case.
7. when yer lyrics prompters is set to Extra-Large type.
8. when yer kids expect to be comp’d for free drinks.
9. when ya cover yer own songs from more than 5 bands ago.
10. when ya only go to after-show parties, after a nap.
11. when yer rack-effects include a defibrillator.
12. when ya burn incense in the dressing room to cover not the smell of sex and drugs, but old-man farts and breath.
13. when ya don’t recognize a single song the club plays on the PA within hours before yer set.
14. when yer the first owner of a guitar older than the soundman.
15. when the club owner calls you, “Sir”.