Muso ads of the weak – headline edition

From today’s Craigslist:

Lyracist looking for band or beats
Must be able to help me with spelling …

starting b-sides rock band need guitar bass vocals
After which we can try and learn some actual hits …

guitarist wants to push the envelope with competent band mates
After which, we can try to make some music …

Guitar player looking for group or act
After which, we can try to make some music …

ladies, lets make a fucking punk band!!!
After which, we can let them try to make some music …

Let’s suck together
After which, we can try to make some music with a group or act or a fucking punk band!!…

Hip Hop
After which, we can try to make some music with a group or act but no fucking punk band!!…

carpal diem!



More on what came just before

Asked, “Then why d’you post it …?

I said:

Well, cuz I’m just a disseminating bundle of contradictions, of course.  Grin

I also post it on my blog, what is linked to Facebook, and at the TOMB forum, and on my Soundcloud, and eventually on my Bandcamp pages.

But alla that is collateral – without the internet, I’d still be doing it, like I did before the internet.

And handing out home-burned CD’s …  chuckle

I don’t mind the adoration, and the beau coup bucks, ya see, I just won’t compromise my artistic vision!


Daddy Issues

Daddy issues, some might say, but at 55 I still compare myselves to my father (RIP), especially concering his areas of expertise.

Went to change the oil and the thermostat on my old (’96 Dodge 1500 w/ 5.9L) this AM, had the tools out and the son standing by to assist.

Lemme see, loosen the tortion wheel and get the serpentine off, check.
Un-bolt the alternator – tight bitch, two bolts one nut, check.

Look it over, gotta un-wire the alternator, remove the cross brace, move the AC lines …

… no.

My daddy, and many is the time, would be out there all day cursing and fighting the thing and having me there to assist and be cursed at and help him fight it.

And it is fond memories that make me larf – about how miserable it was at the time.

Me, I put it all back together – that took a half hour of cursing and fighting (tho’ not at my kid) – and I’m gonna bring it in to the shop and for US$200 they can replace the thermostat and change the oil and I won’t hafta curse nothin’ but them and the bill.

I hope my kid eventually gets smarter than me, too.  thumbup

How Ya Know Ya Is a OLD Rocker

1. when ya gotsa decide which pair of orthopaedic shoes to wear to the show.

2. when yer mailing list includes yer cardiologist.

3. when yer groupies need wheelchair access.

4. when yer contract rider requires prune juice and Wipies.

5. when you never take yer hat off within 5 miles of any venue you play.

6. when the Emergency Services phone number is stenciled on yer road case.

7. when yer lyrics prompters is set to Extra-Large type.

8. when yer kids expect to be comp’d for free drinks.

9. when ya cover yer own songs from more than 5 bands ago.

10. when ya only go to after-show parties, after a nap.

11. when yer rack-effects include a defibrillator.

12. when ya burn incense in the dressing room to cover not the smell of sex and drugs, but old-man farts and breath.

13. when ya don’t recognize a single song the club plays on the PA within hours before yer set.

14. when yer the first owner of a guitar older than the soundman.

15. when the club owner calls you, “Sir”.

Muso Ad of the day

Narcissistic Vocalist Wanted (Central, CT)

Narcissistic vocalist wanted for a rock band out of central Connecticut. You must have a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, blatant need for admiration, and a total lack of empathy. If you show up for practice on-time, you’re fired. If you plan on helping move equipment in and out of the venue, you’re fired on the spot. You must be constantly sick, or be able to otherwise provide some sort of excuse as to why you’re not 100% at all times (which is… at all times). You must have a sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations for favorable treatment at venues and by all people graced with your presence (even though you’ve never left the basement in your music career). We would also sincerely appreciate if you were exploitative to everyone you encounter, including us (your band-mates). If you’re not taking advantage of people, you’re not for us. You must be completely arrogant and let people know how awesome you are at all times. And for the love of God, please call your fans “mother —–ers” and “—holes” on stage… they like that kind of stuff (don’t listen to the nay-sayers). You must have hundreds (if not thousands) of ideas of what we “need to do”, but do absolutely nothing to actually move those ideas forward. If someone writes a vocal melody/lyric that sounds good, you must change it so that it doesn’t conflict with your inability to accept input or the fact that you just might not have the absolute best idea for any given situation/musical piece. And lastly, you must be completely incoherent, a terrible speller, and have the grammar of a three year old (even though your main job is to write stories & lyrics to communicate with people).

If this is you, we’re looking for you!!!!!!!!!

(found on craigslist)

The Sludge Monster Martini

The Sludge Monster Martini

“The pulp tends to settle at the bottom if you let it sit for too long.”

So, mods ‘n’ sh*te

I mean, it is fun to change out tubes on mic’s and amps and pre’s. I’ve coil-tapped and split and phase-reversed and changed out pickups and tone-caps, I’ve added better or replaced input jacks and pots and trannies and the odd resistor, etc.

I’ve certainly improved the functionality of stuff by, say, replacing tuners or bridges or switches or jacks or removing mesh from a windscreen or death-caps, or adding shielding or ground-wires or even paint, and I fix stuff and even make my own patch cords.

When I think about it tho’, and not too, too much disrespect, I just can’t understand the mod “scene” as a reason for joining it.

I mean, it’s one thing to have a thing and it ain’t quite the thing you want the thing for – so you mod it to make it that thing you want.

I get it.

I just have a problem at this point with the mod “scene” what seems to exists to get you to mod things just for the purpose of modding the things they sell things to mod them with. I mean, it even seems they encourage you to buy a thing that’s a not-so-good-thing to use their things to mod it into a better thing than it was, while all the while it ain’t quite the thing you want it to be and mod it toward.

I mean, I want my Tele to sound like a Tele, not a Strat, and certainly not a Paul, y’know? And that cheap Chinee thing? Use it, abuse it, sell it, purposefully lose it, but don’t try to make it something it ain’t never gonna be.

Like, if I want a “warmer” pre, I’ll change to a “warmer” pre, or the same re a mic, or amp or whatever. I’ll just change guitars.

Mebbe I just have a little too much money, what gives me choices?

But I work hard to be able to have choices, and if I have bad shite, I’ll get rid of it (sometimes) to get good shite, if I just don’t outright just buy more shite, keeping that “bad” shite for the very limited thing(s) the “good” shite can’t do, even if that is only because it’s being used elsewhere.

But mod it?

Especially just to say I mod’d it?

Unless I have a piece of bad shite, and nothing better to do, I’d rather just replace it.