Why I woked up dis mawnin’ and had mese’f a beer, yo

Band practice last nite – very productive.

Guitar Tom and I demo’d his 1st ever song a cuppla weeks ago and drummer Mark wanted to do the drums at it, specific-like.

I wrote the lyrics to 3 choons yesterday at the orifice.

So last nite I brought some 312 and Tom brought some Fat Tire and we drank the latter and I brought mines home – more on that inna bit.

We rehearsed and re-arranged Tom’s song and got it down.

Then we wroted the music to the lyric I brought and derranged ’em and got ’em down. We playt each choon 5 times and made a little set of 25 minutes and recorded same on the Zoom H2. We’ll rehearse them again next time and than we’ll record the drummage and start the overdubs, mebbe on the 3rd time

So anywhat, we drank the Fat Tires (I had 2, and Tom took 1 home as Mark don’t drink but wine) and I took my 312’s home.

I was ver’ tired so after unloading my gear I put the beers in the fridge loose and this AM when the daughter opened the fridge a beer bottle come out and the top loosed such that some foam were escapin’ so I hadda glass and drink it what is why I woked up dis mawnin’ and had mese’f a beer, yo.

A C/L story, or, “The long, plastic hallway that is the music industry.”

A rather respectable professional commented on my story as quoted above. Here’s the story, simply an exchange of emails earlier today regarding a Craigslist ad:

The ad, https://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/muc/5885835054.html:
Please read ad in full detail before responding.
My name’s Jeremy Mazuca. I have been around music and musicians my whole life through family and friends. Some grammy winners. I have great ears for musical talent. My experience with the music industry is from birth. I was born into it. I am president of My Playlist Records. MPR is an independent record label that caters to all genres. Now with that being said, I do not accept Christian Music because this falls under a whole new market. Hip hop and rap I am not a huge fan of however it is accepted within my label as long as it fits a certain criteria. The only rap I would accept is lyrical poetic rap. Influences like: common, mos def, nas, mf doom, eminem, lupe fiasco, slum village, wu tang clan, outcast, etc. Most music I get is not what I’m looking for. I have to be picky in regards to what sells in media music stores. If I just sign anyone or someone who sends me music where I have no emotional connection, it won’t sell. When I listen to your music, I need to feel something in my soul. I am not here to waste time. If you are thinking of joining a label via a legal binding contract, contact me. I get a lot of interested people whom send decent music and when I respond, I don’t here back from them. I also get people who can’t handle constructive criticism. If you waste my time or bs me, I will just block you and ignore you. I currently am starting my label from the bottom meaning I don’t have money to invest in you yet. “You” would be a band, composer, or artist. I can’t pay for recording time, radio time, tv time, etc. So right now I am currently offering: marketing, p and r, worldwide connections, world wide touring opportunities, advice on your music and brand, unlimited digital music distribution, and will help you along your musical career to the best of my ability. I would like to have a big business one day. I would like to earn with you some music awards one day. I am not just in this for the money, although it would be awesome to have a chauffeur one day. I do this for the love of music. As a label, my job is to sell and promote your music. I also will help build you a large audience and fan base. I am located in san antonio tx so if you are out of state, it is not a problem. Out of state musicians are very welcome. Composers are widely welcome because the video game, tv, and film industry need your talents. I do not want to be questioned of my experience. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I am a new upcoming label but I am the best marketer and promoter you’ll find when it comes to music. I am looking for artists or bands whom have no music released yet. iTunes, Google play, Amazon, and Spotify all have deadlines so the sooner you send me music the better. Bandcamp, reverb nation, soundcloud, youtube, or any track I can easily open and listen to will be accepted. I listen to demos on a daily basis. Don’t worry about copyright infringement when it comes to sending me music. It is a federal crime I have no use for. Please send me music that is ready to be sold and put out to the public. Serious inquires only. Only those who are hungry for success as I am. I do have a Facebook at My Playlist Records.
===========================================
Me:
These are demos for a current recording project – these are songs written and recorded by me with our drummer within the last 6 months.

We are currently recording new material as a 3-piece, and searching for a possible 4th.

I own all rights to this material.

https://vlayman.bandcamp.com/album/a-long-year

If you believe something fits with what you are doing, I can be reached at

mick: 312-***-****
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it:
Don’t need demos. Need songs ready to be sold
===========================================
me
Don’t need attitude. Forget it.
===========================================
it:
you are lucky i’m not a major label. Your ass would get shot for running your mouth.
===========================================
me:
Very professional, douchebag.

We both know a  “major label” wouldn’t shoot someone, much less threaten them.

My ex was from Texas and you scare me not at all.

Now, don’t be such a pussy and listen to the music.

If there’s something there you can use, we’ll talk.

If not, good luck, and thanx for the laugh.
===========================================
it:
don’t be a whiny little bitch.
A major label would chew you up and spit you out.
I’ve been in the music industry my whole life.
28 years.
I just said I don’t need demos as my ad stated. Apparently you can’t fucking read.
You are a retard.
You got butt hurt. Your music is mediocre at best. don’t come to any label until you are ready. You are wasting my time and money. You are lucky i’m not charing you for your ignorance.
===========================================
me:
Ha!
Name-calling? ‘-D
What are you, all of 28?  So that’s 10 years, at most?
And still no money made to invest in your so-called “label”?
Daddy or mommy or your boyfriend gave you a cuppla bucks because you couldn’t cut it in school?
Can’t play a lick so you wanna be a industry parasite?
Can’t get laid so you wanna hang with musicians?
We’ve been posting under 20 minutes and you claim to be able to evaluate my music?
Mid-afternoon and you are still hung-over?
Your alleged “label” name and graffic is as lame and silly as your unprofessional attitude.
I think I may write a song about you even as I post quote your emails to every real music-industry person I know.
Once again, good luck, take an aspirin, consider selling your guns and getting some counseling.

===========================================

Apparently looks like this:

_________________
bandcamp; vlayman;
THD; blog.
I mix with olive juice.

MVx2: *A Long Year*

 <— click

1. I’mCrazy Again 03:18
2. Play 05:32
3. My Last Sweet Breath w Grankspoine 03:51
4. Unconventionally Pretty 03:32
5. The Shiv 05:34
6. Riddim, Oh Yeah 03:48
7. Kimberly Don’t Come Easy 04:02
8. The Blame (I Take) 03:25
9. A Long Year 03:26
10. sLOP 03:11

This one’s proto Los Martoonies, circa The Strangers, post Bustouts.

released November 24, 2016

Drums: Vezina
Not drums: Vlayman
Not drums or bass or vox on # 3: Grankspoine of England
_________________
bandcamp; vlayman;
THD; blog.
I mix with olive juice.

Re the above

That’s Mark’s basement.

312 is a awesome beer originally made by Goose Island Breweries, recently bought by Budweiser or similar – there is now nat’l distribution so it’s available – look for a bright yeller package. “312”, BTW, is Chicago’s area code.

SPC1’s are pencil mic’s made byStudio Projects which I have fallen in love with for overheads. Short story long, UI was using vLDC (large diaphragm condensor) Audioi Tecnica AR404’s and loving ’em, and sometimes CAD M179’s (kinda MDC). Thing is, when ya do that it seems to kinda work best when the OH’s are the drum-kit sound, and the other mic’s become spot mic’s that help highlight the individual tubs.

That works great inna good room and/or with careful trial and error of placement, but if you get it wrong you tend to have issues with cymbal brightness and level, and then you have to futz with EQ, and room sound, and it can limit your choices of effect-processing (ex., reverbs).

I’ve gone the other way now, where the drumkit highlights the beat instead of the wash, such that the kick and the snare (typically a plate on the snare) are the majority of the sound, along with the tom spots, and the OH’s give the cymbals and room sound to taste on top, instead of starting with ’em.

It gives me more control, and allows for faster placement.

And how do I place ’em? In the ORTF pattern, I said, what was a lie; also, they are SP C4’s.
Actually, I had ’em in X-Y; see here.

I have also used ORTF, and like it just fine, but it’s a little tweakier, and XY is very easy.
Also cool is that you use one mic stand and put the mic’s on a mic bar, like this

except they are turned so the fronts meet at a 90 degree angle like this:

I take an imaginary line from the center of the snare thru the center of the kick and place ’em onnit, as stated above.

More CL fun

saw this yesterday:

FREE STUDIO BASSIST (S. Burbs)
There will be a fee, if it takes hold
I have access to a studio in Orland Park
Please leave contact info, I will contact ASAP
Thanks
Zappa

===============================
A cuppla weeks ago I answered a different post by this twat and he started to go on about a magnificent opportunity to join a band where he would start out as the guitarist and musical director but morph to being the manager and only take 20% but he had a vision, man, of what music to do and many connections to get gigs and …

I interrupted to establish he was talking about a cover band and said, “I’m not …”

He hung up.

Now, a more cruel dude would contact him about a potential bass gig paying, say, $250 a song (a believable amount guaranteed to gi’ him a boner) and then string him along for a minute before hanging up in the middle of his response …

Fun with CL “Musicians Wanted” spammers

So a tw** posted this ad, follered by our emails:
===============================
Singer/guitarist seekingHello!
I play guitar, percussion, keys, and vocals.
That’s right; I play vocals.
And I’m hoping you’ll help my YouTube cover tune get to 300 views (aka “go viral”).
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ydqurXfnmWM

If you don’t like it, there are 26 other videos on my channel. Please watch them all. And tell all your friends.

Thank you.
===============================
Me:
Spam sucks, and so do you.

===============================
Him(?):
Hmmm… no links. Just as I thought.
Some “real musician.”
===============================
Him(?):
Seems a little hypocritical, considering that spam is all your e-mail is to me.

Here’s an idea: why not send links to some of your musical work instead, so as to prove your superiority and self-proclaimed right to judge mine?

Or you could just keep on yakkin’. Because that’s all people like you do, “M.E.V.”
===============================
Me:
You didn’t ask for other’s music, speaking of hypocrisy.

You simply spammed a forum for musicians to connect.

BTW, I didn’t bother to listen to your music – I’m not interested in your spam-product.

Oh, and I’m glad you are annoyed now, just as you wasted my time and annoyed me and other real musicians-seeking-musicians, not spammers-seeking-attention.

Thanx for the laughs, genius; have fun playing with yourself.
===============================
Him(?):
Your “real musician” cred died as soon as you sent your first e-mail. What real musician – in a city the size of Chicago, no less – has time to comb the Craigslist ads and send e-mails in response tnd some CL ads deleted. But I honestly don’t recall one single e-mail like this, before yours. Lots of e-mails asking about my availability to play; lots of compliments from around the country. But only one purported “real musician” who takes time to rail on something that he himself admits he knows nothing about.

At least I’m doing something positive. You’re just a loser; a nobody with no music to offer, or even a name.
===============================
Me:
And you’re just a spammer, with the intellect of a childish one at that. (I figure you to be between 14 and 20, without a social life but a very encouraging mommy who is proud of her little musician, she surely is. Now, keep trying to grow that beard and lose some weight and use deodorant and maybe a girl will talk to you for more than 2 minutes, and I don’t mean your mom.)

Anyway. good luck with your music “career” and your craving for attention and your ego and your used-Kleenex habit, you total rock-star, you; I’ll not tease you anymore as it’s clear you’re too dumb to get the message, even as you admit CL has already deleted your worthless spam on multiple occasions.

Don’t look for any further response from me, either, as you are just too boring to be worth any further effort.

On the other hand, …

… nah, you’re just too boring.
===============================


carpal diem!

THD
vlayman
blog
vlayman.bandcamp.com
thehungrydrunx.bandcamp.com

Craigslist ads, answered

Looking for reggae musicians to jam with (Oak Lawn)

I’ve been reading through these posts and I can tell that none are a right fit for me, if people aren’t talking about what awesome gear they have, how much experience and the like… I use to play in a band in my teens, I’ve been playing guitar since then and I’m 30 now. I’m not saying I’m amazing, or even that I’m horrible also definitely not a beginner. I do want to play though, preferably in a reggae band, no instruments but you know how to play? No problem, I have a bass and what I believe is a good and loud enough bass amp, I also have a drum set, I play guitar myself but if need be I’m willing to pick up the bass. I work a Monday through Friday job and usually have to do some things after work so my day doesn’t end until around 7pm, two jam sessions a week would be cool, I know a lot of people want to play originals, well I’ve tried that and I’ve found I have a lot more fun playing covers, besides for people that I’ve never played with before I think covers would be better to learn first as a band and then work on any original work. With that being said, I like all types of music, I know a lot of people say that but I really do, but the music I like the most is reggae. I enjoy the culture, the bands and the positive message it usually tries to put forth. So hopefully there is some like minded people out there, bands that im currently listening to are Slightly Stoopid, of course Marley, and a bunch of other bands that I honestly don’t feel like listing out, if you like reggae, good people well at least me, smoking, dabbing, and just jamming hit me up.

I can play guitar or bass but looking for
bassist if any takers
keyboard
singer
drummer is iffy, I have a friend who plays drums but not sure if he’s down to play
=====================================================

Oh yep, reg Cool gay

————————————————————————————————————————

Drummer wants band

Drummer ,older looking for Eagles,Doobies ,Journey,Boston,type band, you know the good music of the 70’s not the bullshit ones.Not looking to sit in a garage and jam, or get ready for your one big block party gig.Good equipment (because I can afford it) the right attitude (because I’ve been there) Transportation ( because people always seem to ask that…Duhh I own a vehicle) try to be a professional (practice at home come prepared) and on time.If you’re a serious band,(and not a bunch of dipshits) let’s talk. Thanks

==========================
Oh yeah it would help if yer also a arrogant twat like me …


MOONSHINE HOLLER BAND IS HIRING NEW LINEUP (SOUTH)

MOONSHINE HOLLER IS AUDITIONING PLAYERS FOR NEW LINEUP FOR FALL AND 2017 . SEND CONTACT INFORMATION FOR A LIVE AUDITION, NAME , PHONE NUMBER , AND WHAT INSTRUMENT YOU PLAY , AND SOMEONE WILL GET BACK WITH YOU . THANKS AND GOOD LUCK !

============================
GEE, I WONDER IF THEY ARE A HIP-HOP BAND ….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Far south suburb guitarist looking for other musicians to form band.

Like the title states. I’m an experienced guitar player looking for other musicians to form a group with in the far south suburbs. The atmosphere will be laid back with no egos causing friction among others. I have a day job, and this will be to have fun and make good music, with some cash on the side for gigs we do. Also, the gigs will be paid, or we don’t do it (of course there are a “few” exceptions like a cancer benefit and such). Classic rock to modern radio hits that gets people singing along and dancing that everyone knows without the same songs every other band plays. Contact me if you’re interested
=================================

Yeah, man. I dig what the title states. The fact that you are in Peotone and that is over an hour travel and two counties south of city center super-qualifies you for “far south suburbs” – I love yer understatement. And yer so macho and  firm that we, “will be laid back with no egos causing friction among others” because, I am sure, that will be yer job, aiight. Altho’, please I know we’ll  make some shite music, too, what you will prob’ly want to. Lotsa gigs, right?  And yeah, we need big money except for the benefits we’ll do, like for “Our Guitarplayer Is a Twat Anonymous”. And I’m glad you narrowed it down to, “Classic rock to modern radio hits that gets people singing along and dancing that everyone knows without the same songs every other band plays” because I know exactly what you think I might think you don’t know what you mean. So, this is me, contacting you, like, I’m so fucking interested


Baptist Church Organist Available (Northwest Indiana)

Experienced Baptist Church Orgaqnist Available.

Church musician for many years.
Dependable, and professional,

I teach choirs, and play the Hammond Organ.
Contemporary as well as traditional, and hymns.

If your Church is in need of an organist / Min. Of Music.
please reply to this posting via email.
==================================
Please don’t ask me what’s a “Orgaqnist “, and why I’m suddenly available, and I jes’ wanna say that little boy is a liar …



carpal diem!

THD
vlayman
blog
vlayman.bandcamp.com
thehungrydrunx.bandcamp.com